"Hanging Fire"
I am fourteen
and my skin has betrayed me
the boy I cannot live without
still sucks his thumb
in secret
how come my knees are
always so ashy
what if I die
before morning
and momma's in the bedroom
with the door closed.
I have to learn how to dance
in time for the next party
my room is too small for me
suppose I die before graduation
they will sing sad melodies
but finally
tell the truth about me
There is nothing I want to do
and too much
that has to be done
and momma's in the bedroom
with the door closed.
Nobody even stops to think
about my side of it
I should have been on Math Team
my marks were better than his
why do I have to be
the one
wearing braces
I have nothing to wear tomorrow
will I live long enough
to grow up
and momma's in the bedroom
with the door closed.
In Lorde's dark and somber poem, the reader sees the world through a fourteen year old's eyes. This young girl, who resembles Lorde, appears alone in her life, with her "momma in the bedroom." While Lorde is the author of this piece, she is speaking through this girl. Clearly this girl has had a rough life with "knees always so ashy" and one can venture to believe Lorde led a similar life as this girl. Through this girl, Lorde is able to explore the larger situation of the poem which is racism and sexism. This poem is not a story about a lonely girl but rather a social commentary on racism and sexism.
While this girl is only fourteen, she has already experienced racism as her "skin has betrayed her." Perhaps this girl has started a new school and she is overwhelmed with everything including racism. As a result, she needs her mother to come out of her room more than ever. Instead she is alone and life is changing all to quickly for her. Here Lorde is commenting on how hard life can be without a proper role model to show her how to cope with these changes. Lorde also targets sexism in this poem. This girl obviously is intelligent, so much so that she believes she should have been put on the Math Team. However, she was left off the team possibly due to a combination of race and sex. The spot on the team could have been a huge confidence boost to this girl but instead she is left in despair. Instead, this girl, like many other young African American girls were, is left as a "hanging fire." She has a burning desire to learn and has high aspirations but is worried her race and sex will drag her down. Lorde uses this girl, who can now only focus on death, to speak on the effects racism and sexism can have psychologically on young teenage girls.
